Do you feel desperate for real help in your difficult marriage?
In Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away, author Gary Chapman talks about how to deal with a spouse who is
- a workaholic;
- verbally, physically, or sexually abusive;
- or substance abuser.
This book offers sound and practical help for some really hard situations. It provides real-life stories of how relationships were restored and healed. Oftentimes, the catalyst to influence change started with one spouse who had to learn how to love through setting some boundaries.
This book is not about staying in abusive relationships or miserable marriages but about learning how to apply “reality living” and sometimes tough love in order to heal unhealthy marriages.
“You cannot determine another’s choices. You can, however, make wise choices.”
Chapman doesn’t pretend that he can provide a magic formula to bring healing to all marriages. But he believes, through his own experience in counseling, research in the field, and sound moral principals, that there is hope for the hardest of marriages.
Chapman identifies 4 myths of marriage that keep us captive. He seeks to help readers learn reality living by recognizing 6 ways we control our own attitude and actions.
“This book will explore the nature of problems in desperate marriages and encourages you to dismiss these myths and take steps toward healing rather than sinking deeper into the misery of such relationships.”
- My environment determines my state of mind.
- People cannot change
- In a desperate marriage, I have only two options—resigning myself to a life of misery or getting out of the marriage.
- Some situations are hopeless—and my situation is one of those.
- I am responsible for my own attitude.
- My attitude affects my actions.
- I cannot change others, but I can influence others.
- My emotions do not control my actions.
- Admitting my imperfections does not mean that I am a failure.
- Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.
Many are familiar with Gary Chapman’s best-selling book “The Five Love Languages” based on reality #6.
“When you choose to reach out with a loving attitude and loving actions toward your spouse in spite of past failures, you create a climate where the two of you can resolve conflicts and confess wrongs. Reality living says, “I will choose the road of love because its potential is far greater than the road of hate.”
Sometimes I think it can be hard to know what the road of love looks like when you’re dealing with some of the abusive and addictive kinds of relationships the book talks about. Chapman helps readers know how to apply both tender and tough love to real-life situations.
“If your loving acts do not produce positive changes within your desperate marriage, then perhaps it’s time for tough love. Tough love is no less love. In fact, it may be the only kind of love your spouse can receive. It may be even more difficult to express than tender love. In experiencing such tough love, you may have to go against the emotion of fear of what your spouse will do when you take such loving action. Reality living reminds you that your emotions need not control your actions. Love asks the question, “What is the best thing I can do for my spouse?” Tender or tough, love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.”
This is a great sequel to The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. Readers are able to see how to set positive boundaries that can influence the relationship towards healing.
I received a free copy of this book from Moody Publishing in exchange for my honest review.