I’m so excited to share a post with you today from a great friend I made when I started blogging almost 2 years ago. She and her husband even designed my blog logo! Alison is one of the sweetest people I know. She is wise well beyond her years. I’m thankful for her words of truth that she is sharing with you today. I know they will bless you as they have blessed me!
Guest Post by Alison Tiemeyer
When my husband feels burdened, I feel it too.
When he’s down & out, frustrated & spent, I feel it too.
When he dreams & laughs, I feel it too.
That’s what oneness does to you. It’s an incredible gift from God that connects us to our spouse in a relationship we will have with no one else.
It’s exciting. It’s an honor. It’s one of my greatest joys.
I love being married.
And, having been married to a man who feels burdens, dreams big, laughs crazy, and has a frustrating day every now & again, I feel that I have a job – a responsibility – to encourage his heart.
Because oneness is a gift. And I need to honor that gift by encouraging, loving and being supportive for our marriage.
So, when my husband has one of those down & out days, I can encourage him…
By praying for him.
I can pause what I’m doing, close my eyes, praise God for the gift of this man, and ask that the Lord would encourage his heart. I can ask for God to bless his day, to equip him with the skills to get the job done, and to help him to find joy in the little things.
This is probably the most essential thing I can do in those down & out moments.
Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that you should pray for God to change your husband or make him happy. I am saying that you can prayer for your husband to find encouragement, to feel peace, to experience blessing, etc. There’s a fine line between praying for a different husband and praying for an encouraged husband.
By pointing him to Jesus.
This doesn’t happen with a Bible-beating, you-should-be-reading-Scripture attitude. Rather, it happens when we choose to serve & love with a grace-filled heart.
Maybe that means setting down your phone to hand him a wrench. Maybe it means putting everything aside to go for a walk. Maybe it means a quick hug, a back rub, or a simple smile.
Throughout the Scripture, we see Jesus being present in the moment with those around him. He didn’t allow distractions or worries to keep him from those he needed to serve.
What’s distracting you from serving your husband like the Lord served those around him? Your phone? A hobby? The kids? A hard heart?
Fight this temptation with all you’ve got. Choose to be present. Put away the distraction & serve well.
By asking him to tell you more.
There’s a common misconception that men don’t want to talk about their feelings.
Well, I want to squash that lie right now and tell you that your husband is most certainly waiting to tell you more about his work, his friends, his day, and his heart.
This is oneness in action – caring enough to listen with ears to hear, rather than to respond. Sometimes you just need to listen, dear wife. Sometimes it’s not about your response, your answer, or your fix to the problem.
Sometimes it’s just saying, “Tell me more about that.”
By staying positive for yourself.
It is all too easy to get dragged down into the down & out spot right with my husband. But you know what? I think it’s important for wives to fight for positivity & hope.
Oftentimes it’s difficult to feel hope when you’re in that place of frustration and sadness. So, if you find your man there, choose to remain hopeful, positive, and happy.
This doesn’t have to be outright words of positivity. In fact, you may want to save those for another day. But choosing to seek hope for your home, your husband, and your own heart during the down & out moments means that you’ll be waiting to give words of encouragement when the time is right.
By living carefully.
Do you know how powerful you are, dear wife? You influence your children, your home atmosphere, and your husband.
So, I’m not talking about walking on eggshells here. Rather, I’m suggesting that we live with intentionality in our words, actions, and attitudes.
Gentle answers, a hope-filled attitude, and peaceful conversations go a long way in ministering to our husbands. In fact, the absence of these things truly takes a toll on a man’s heart.
By being careful with my words, my tone, and my attitude, I can remain supportive and encouraging. I can minister to my husband’s heart because my heart is rooted in the right place – Truth.
Every spouse in every home across the nation will experience those down & out feelings, the difficult moments that leave us wishing for a whole day in bed. So I encourage you, as a wife & influencer of your home, to please do this well.
Prepare your heart. Lean deeply into the person of Jesus so that you can be the person of Jesus to your spouse.
Alison is a wife, blogger, and Jesus-follower growing in grace and truth daily. She loves coffee in the morning, experimenting in the kitchen, camping with her husband, and reading in a hammock just about anywhere. Her blog – AlisonTiemeyer.com – exists to encourage faithful growth and passionate living. You can find Alison on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter.